What to do about an ungrateful adult child?

Hi all,
Usually I'm helping people with their problems so this is difficult for me to ask for advice. I pick up my grandchildren from school a few days per week, help them with their homework, fix them dinner and later a snack, might drive them to an activity, have their friends over, etc for the past 4 years. Well my son never even acknowledged my birthday again until I told him it was my birthday... then he said he would catch up with me later.. but never did. He completely forgot my birthday a couple years back. He also asked for some money...and forgets to pay back. He never calls me just to chat. I am not asking for a gift but feel so sad he does not appreciate me. I mentioned this to him and he just hung up on me. Any advice would be immensely appreciated.
Thanks and God bless you all!! 

Shalom New Member

Re: What to do about an ungrateful adult child?try not doing things for him until he treats you the way you deserve. If he's an adult, you're not obligated to do anything for him, he needs to do things on his own now. [color=rgb(231, 231, 221)].  [/color]

sing [color=rgb(231, 231, 221)] Junior Member[/color]

Croton Oil in Lunch !

Re: What to do about an ungrateful adult child? I am raising two grandkids, and have been taking care of them for about six and half years total.
Their parent, my child, has some real problems you can find in other threads.

You haven't given us enough info, such as where the mother of these children is.

If you don't want to lend your son money, don't. He is not entitled to it. If he forgets your birthday, then says "I'll catch up to you later" consider that will never happen. You don't owe your adult child your life. And if the grandkids are fine otherwise in his care, then maybe it's time for you to cut down on how often you take care of them. if they are not fine in his care, you need to tread carefully and see what kind of help is really needed for the sake of the kids, not his.

I can only suggest that you pray, and evaluate your situation with your grandchildren and your son. If you feel he is taking advantage of you, then you need to figure out what you will do willingly, and where you will draw the line. Once you have drawn the line, stick to it and don't allow it to be crossed. [color=rgb(231, 231, 221)] [/color]OutinChgoburbs [color=rgb(231, 231, 221)] Senior Member[/color]Forum Supporter

Dear Shalom,
Pllllllleeeeeeaaaaasssseeee stop being a doormat!!!!
Your son (bless his little heart) has forgotten how to be responsible (if ever he knew) and it sounds like perhaps he was spoiled by you. Why do you need to pick up the children and do so much? Where is his wife? and if his wife is no longer with him, you can then see why?
Perhaps he forgot, but I think its more like taking for granted that mum will be there, do for him, be for him, and sort everything out for him, as maybe she has always done.
Stop doing. Stop accepting his rudeness. The children also see his treatment/behaviour and do not learn how to respect either him, their mother (if she is around) or elderly.
Please, please, please, for the children's care, stop being a used doormat.

Graceangel.

Senna Pod .....in regular doses ...

Re: What to do about an ungrateful adult child? [color=rgb(231, 231, 221)]Quote:[/color]

Originally Posted by Shalom [color=rgb(231, 231, 221)] [/color] [color=rgb(231, 231, 221)] [/color] I mentioned this to him and he just hung up on me.[/t][/t]First I would IMMEDIATELY cut him out of the will. What kind of a son hangs up on his own mother ?????????? And what kind of a human being can not say happy birthday to someone who helps with his kids. It is very sad that the kids will be the ones to pay the price but that is not your fault. I would still be involved in the grandchildren's life but on YOUR terms. Not when your son needs free day care. On the surface it hurts to think about how the grandkids will be the ones neglected and caught in between. But in the long run, it is for their best as well. It will be very good for your grandkids to see an example of Granny setting healthy boundaries Take this to heart. I often helped neighbours with their kids. Then I got caught in situations where I felt resentful that the parents were using me. But I let myself be used 'for the sake of the children'. And you know what happened?? The children grew up into teenagers that used me just like their parents did. Kids are smart. They know when daddy is walking all over granny and they will learn 'Granny is a pushover' and do the same. Your boundaries are the best for everyone CM

Re: What to do about an ungrateful adult child? We've had problems with rudeness and lack of gratitude also. As one poster said, who hangs up on their Mom and repeatedly forgets her birthday? I seriously doubt you'd tolerate this from anyone else. Think if you were paid for these services by a stranger. They'd make sure you were on the top of the list considering you're caring for their children.

My relationship ended when our son argued with me in front of his three children. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. I knew I was done.

As far as presents go, give to the kids and stop giving to your son. Tell him the gift giving is over because you have everything you need (true, right?) so you'll only be giving to the grandkids. And if you need validation, validate yourself. Take the $$ you would have spent on him and buy something for yourself. It will be perfect....no exchanges needed because you picked out exactly what you wanted.

Out of the will? Sure, why not. Skip him and give the $$ to his kids and that can be changed if they turn out to be rude and selfish too.

[color=rgb(231, 231, 221)] [/color]aicirt [color=rgb(231, 231, 221)] Regular Member[/color]

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