Funnies

Got these from Hubby.....

A riddle for the Government

Jack Layton met with the Queen of England . He asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me in case I form the next government?"

"Well," said the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Layton frowned and then asked, "But how do I know if the people around me are really intelligent? "

The Queen took a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy, you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle".
The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?"

Tony Blair walked into the room and said, "Yes, your Majesty?"

The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this please, Tony.  Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"

Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answered, "That would be me."

"Yes! Very good," said the Queen.

Layton went back home to ask Mike Ignatief, his Liberal cohort. "Answer this for me Iggy.  Your mother and your father have a child.  It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"

"I'm not sure," said Iggy. "Let me get back to you on that one.." He went to his advisors and asked every one, but none could give him an answer. Finally, he ended up in the men's room and recognized Steven Harpers shoes in the next stall.

Iggy asked Harper, "Steve, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Harper answered back, "That's easy you dummy, it's me!"

Iggy smiled, and said, "Thanks!" Then, he went back to speak with Layton . "Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It is Steven Harper."

Layton got mad and yelled "No you idiot it is not! It's Tony Blair!"

AND THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS WHAT'S WRONG WITH OUR GOVERNMENT

The Inheritance!

The Brothel

The madam opened the brothel door and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.

'May I help you sir?' she asked.

'I want to see Valerie,' the man replied.
'Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else', said the madam.

'No, I must see Valerie,' he replied.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive. But there were no discounts. The price was still $5000.

Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.

After their session, Valerie questioned the man, 'No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?' she asked.

The man replied, ' Ontario '.

'Really?', she said. 'I have family in Ontario .'
'I know.' the man said. 'Your sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance.'

The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain.
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer

::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl::  at the political joke

you just don't care that canadian politicians are that dumb, eh?  ::

we know they are so no sense commenting

aawww....you are too kind!! ::slap::

BLONDE WHO  MARRIED A  CATHOLIC
On  their  honeymoon,
the blonde bride slipped in to a sexy nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch .

She asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her.  He replied, "It's Lent."

In tears, she sobbed, "Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! Who did you lend it to,and for how long?"

A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decides to test it at dinner.
DAD: Son, where were you today during school hours?
SON: At school
*Robot slaps Son*
SON: OK, I went to the movies.
DAD: Which one?
SON: Toy Story
*Robot slaps son again*
SON: OK, it was Day with a Porn Star.
DAD: WHAT? When I was your age I didn't even know what porn was!
*Robot slaps Dad*
MOM: HAHA! After all he's your son.
*Robot slaps mom*

bring de robot home